Purpose beyond comprehension

There was a fruit, he thought why he lives
Listless, he fell, to die in crash, and separation
But then came a beautiful boy, and biting fruit felt nourished
Healthy, happy, the little boy, blessed the fruit after death

Life holds meaning, perhaps unknown
Life holds purpose, perhaps irrational
But Life is Life, it's bigger than us
To inquire, to balance, to be aware is ours
Destiny, Moksha, life-after is not

My Home

Where the sun blesses its first rays into windows
Where the sun sets with crimson lights on yard
Where two floors exist, one to sleep and one exist
Where gardens surround and children play

Where meditation achieves its supreme perfection
Where laughters fill happy parents, children, grandchildren
Where I come back, tired and happy
Where I wake up, where I build memories and die

In such a home dear Lord, do I want to live

The Mystery of Dreams

Dreams are those, that we catch afloat
No time, no space, no constraint that bounds
A hero one time, and fearful at another
With long lost friends once, but alone and exposed next

What makes dreams, what constitutes it
Is one lifetime, of consciousness less
Is sleep a must, is dream as death

Mysteries abound, that science know not
The why and why not, but only the what
Some answers lie within, some with the guru
And some somewhere else, in karmic dimensions..

The snake and the rat

Sk sk sk sk, sk sk sk sk Hissed the snake in menacing might
Chu chu chu chu, chu chu chu chu Mocked the rat in sheer delight
Flabbergasted, baffled beholded, this strangest sight did I in eyes
What confidence, what self-assurance, had the rat with death no fright

And what a war broke out between them, there are no words to describe
Hissed and jumped and standing hairs, both on me and rat beware

I was such a stupid fool to, think that I am nothing here
Each has to play by his strengths, with God and even Death no fear

So the rat tired this snake out, and ran afar laughing away
And so did I with smile on face now, and new courage come what may

Nature is Blessed, Bathed in Rain

Parched in thirst, a year long wait
Mud and grime, and bird nest waste
Trees long most, for that first rain
Which washes and brightens, both leaf and trunk
Which cares for and nourishes, the deepest roots

Water from the Gods, that sip of nectar
Generously dispersed, seated on clouds
We thank your gifts, masters in the skies
New life is born, by sipping this nectar

I stay hands folded, beholding this beauty
The leaves I have seen, were never this green
As a beautiful woman, who steps out of water
As a dazzling butterfly, who rests on a flower

Why the delay, O dear Rain

Why O dear Rain, are you so late
You seem to have forgotten, you were to be here
We are waiting parched, the fields and the flowers
As animals and birds, we all look upwards

Why O pure water, do you keep us parched
Your mighty showers, we look forward to bath
The clouds still spread thin, silver as old man's hair
We look for the young, lush black heavy clouds

The sun still scorns, an extended summer's dry
O mighty rains come down, do humble his pride
The children will dance, as will peacocks for you
The farmer will shower blessings, just shower water will you!

Devoted to You

My Child, I am, Devoted to you
As none other, I will continue to serve you
You are a gift, the greatest one from God
I will hold precious, and forever cherish

They say, you are made, of the five elements
Your soul was forever, the sages would say
But I believe no, a part was me
My love, my prayer, my devotion eternal

Your little steps, make leaps, in my heart
The time with you, I ever feel complete
Your little antics, keep me always in cheer
A spontaneous smile, it happily breaks forth

As you grow, your pictures I glance
I may forget a little, but not your birth
That cry you let you, had me in smiles
What irony it is, the mystery of joy

Driving in India: Kindly Adjust!

Having recently moved to India, the most infamous aspect, the driving conditions, had to be encountered sooner or later. And while in all the years before my move to US, I'd been on roads mainly as a passenger, this is the first time that I had to take up the mantle of being a driver. This was bound to be challenging, but is also kind of "fun" sometimes. Never knew I'd associate the word "fun" ever to driving in India. But the ability to weave through traffic is sometimes exhilarating.

The best part I did was to buy an auto-gear four-wheeler. I still believe two-wheelers are not meant for the main roads of India, shared by a plethora of quantity and types of vehicles. Best for odd-jobs, most of whose distance can be covered by service roads perhaps. From the other side, these two-wheelers are also the most concerning part of driving on our roads. They zip in and zoom past anytime, with no warning before criss-crossing or cutting the other vehicles. For their own safety, there need to be rules. That either two wheelers only use side or service roads, or be allocated a separate lane of their own on main roads.

The other admirable aspect I see is how four-wheelers, 99% of them geared vehicles, have amazing control over their vehicles, even when the gears have to be adjusted and changed each time we reach a speed breaker, or any such road hurdle, or above-mentioned dangerous two-wheelers. It'd have a taken a longer time to start driving, considering the record-number of vehicles on Bangalore roads today. Each time I take out the car, and traverse around perhaps one of the world's most challenging driving conditions, I thank the decision of having bought an auto-gear. A day will also accompany, perhaps, when India will not be so dependant on imported energy, or when hydrid vehicles are affordable. Until that day arrives, I'll keep my migration path to geared vehicles slow.

I keep telling my observations to Jyothi of driving on these roads. The reason why vehicles can ply on these roads is on the basic premise that people want to live. If a person has a death-wish, it's real easy to die on Indian roads. And with lack of systems in many places, it's not surprising to know that India is the road-accident capital of the world!

Drivers in most intersections slow down, let each other pass, sometimes frustrated and blowing their horns, but that is the only reason intersections are not regular, daily crash points. There is no lane discipline, and people are always accommodating each other or the more aggressive drivers, so everyone gets to go. Without this sense of cooperation, perhaps one of the world's most-dense per-capita traffic hotspot nations would not be able to function. And for that, we Indian drivers (and not the government) deserves all the credit!!

What could be done? Flyovers of course! Earlier I was of the option that the Singapore model of taxing cars to the hilt is the solution. But that cannot happen unless public transport reaches that level of affordability, service levels and hence convenience. If the government cannot make that happen, then construct flyovers, and construct/maintain roads where quality connectivity is needed. 80% of congested roads do not have flyovers. Why not have 1 or 2 levels of flyovers to resolve the issue. Use private partnership. Have tolled flyovers. Even if the busy/rich few use them, the rest of the common folk now have either an option, or at least a less congested regular road!!

As Birds Meet in the Sky

So many birds flying high in the sky

Cover vast distances under God's protective eyes

They meet each other once, and go their separate ways

For can they live together again, in this ever-crowded space

There is no constraint, there are no rules

The skies and the earth, are under one roof

Yet why the mind is bound, why is it so

Who taught it fear, and the social statutes

It is not strange

It is not strange, it is no wonder
That I am born, that I am scared

I was here before, what if I remember not
I have died before, what if I still deny

The waters in the ocean, have bathed me once
The forest fires, cremated me with honor

This earth I was born of, still kisses my feet
The tree I breathe of, grow even without me

It is still not strange, that worry gnaws my heart
For the lives that feed me, I keep burning to death
I scorched the earth and polluted the water
I brought harm to life, even lives like mine

It is no wonder, that I realize inside
I have destroyed, the future of my child
For I am this life inside, not the man on the mirror
For I created nature with purpose, and kill it with none

Gods don't judge the Drunk

A drunkard drinks not for content

He drinks because he is in torment

What hurts my mind, my heart, my soul

You will not know, you are not mine

Even the creator does not, judge the drunk

For he knows how, he suffers within

The drunk is drunk, for nature's fault

To drunk be better, than the pain that gnaws

A lost battle

I stay not awake, I am not claimed
I am whatever, I dare not even know
Life's many achievements, to me hold no meaning
For what we accept as truths today, tomorrow may be lies

Your running that race, pursuing that girl
Your winning that game, loving that child
Your money, your power
Your cribs, your opinions
Your desires, your passions
Your goading, your loathing
Your resentments, your fights
Your memories, your learnings
Your patriotism, sacrifice
Even your aims and thoughts

They all mean nothing, for with you they die
They all mean nothing, for life's a lost battle!

It is only Time that lives on, and it carries with it values
It carries with it soul, the output of your true self

Angst

Bereft of love, this a soulless body
Breathing its last, the end is now at doorstep

As a rosebud is thirsty, for the first morning sunlight
I have been forever, a peacock parched for rainfall

This is always, this not normal
This melancholy in heart
I say not thunder, I say not water
This is simmering fire

Outsourcing and War

Half a century ago, the world war was won, because the US redirected all its industrial might in building weapons. And since then the arms lobby have held special attention in this country. Why then are these lessons being easily forgotten when the US allows its industries to freely outsource their manufacturing might to China. Little does it realize that it is this manufacturing might which will weigh heavily in any conflict with China.

It is a different context when the industries outsource their software development and maintenance capabilities to India. In most cases, the controls (servers / licenses / IP) reside in the US itself. And software in itself being a virtual asset, it is easy to revoke such licenses, and take back control. Can anyone do the same with actual physical machines? And that too from an authoritarian nation? Why is there no concentrated, strategic effort to shift manufacturing capabilities to allied nations that believe and honor similar tenets of democracy and individual freedom.

The lack of people's will in government policy reflects in China's government actions towards both its citizens and foreign nations. For example, US intelligence establishment now rates organized hacking from countries like China and Russia as the biggest threat to national security than even terrorism. Why isn't such pertinent information not reflecting in sound, strategic countermeasures by the administration. While a democratic US is being railed back by its citizens even in the realm of ethical-hacking, it is not a level-playing field when there exists no such control in the hands of Chinese citizens.

The means to fight back are fair and clear. The Chinese currency still maintains artificially low exchange rates. Force it to be controlled by market forces as most currencies doing global trade do. Or cause a boycott of China using the WTO. Of course, political realities like China propping up the lion-share of the US debt does not help. They can cause a currency-war by selling it fast causing the dollar to fall also.

And that is why the "spread-the-wealth" strategy by pushing US companies to outsource or build manufacturing capabilities in allied countries, will be of more help. These companies are patriotic, and are just looking for a level-playing field. If the government directs them so, it should apply to all US companies in their field.

Such balance of power is of prerogative to avoid the looming total tilt in power (currency, military and hacking).

Lost in you..

I'll step aside, for I am drunk
In alcohol or love, it matters little

A rose blooms, for the sake of it
It does not ask, that you kiss it

So loath you must not, you dazzling beauty
Though you know that I, will regret saying this

The other side..

I ask not of you, to seek me in thy dreams
I beg for your sight, oh just once my knight

My aims are not for myself, my beauty or my health
I pray for you and that, your wishes become true

I feel love in feeling, I care not for gold and silver
Do not drape me in money,your smile is all I need

Inner fire

A burning hunger, a hurting head
A glowing ember, in depth of eyes

I know not why my hands have sweat
When this heart is ablaze on fire

These muscles are so poised and tense
Awaiting just their master's command

The will is strong, the reflexes sharp
We are all now ready, to take on heat

A Hung Parliament

Having grown up seeing a little bit of Indian politics, and especially having heard so much from elders around, I, like, most of the population, especially the youth, have come to disdain politics. But it's nice to see and be able to predict that something is about to happen. Let me put it clearly why I think so.

The first generation of Indians after independence were more in thrill of having achieved it, and thought it their duty to dedicate their lives to make the lives of the coming generations happy. They took it as the noble task thrust upon their shoulders. Most politicians and bureaucrats of the era also were of the same mindset. In that synergy and passion we saw in each of us, it was easy to write a constitution that erred in placing a lot of trust on the nation's ruling and executive classes (the legislature and bureaucracy). The rights checks and balances to ensure speedy justice were missing, and the result was a few rotten tomatoes started to take advantage of the loopholes in the system. The general population immediately did notice. That's one thing will hold true in our country. We will continue to be well-read. If literate, the first thing we'll catch on to, is the news. If illiterate, the news channel or gossip somehow. As if the collective conscious is wary of being cheated and ruled again by foreign powers. But this population, along with the good among the leaders (a majority then) chose to ignore these rotten tomatoes as a distraction in the path of nation-building. Most politicians of that generation had to be freedom fighters, who had sacrificed family and risked lives in the path to freedom. So they were well-respected. Pointing fingers at the class as a whole was unthinkable, and quite deserving so. Let's call this the Nehruvian generation.

The next generation of population is where the politician's games really began. Firstly, it is this generation that accepted the daughter of the longest-lasting Prime Minister as the new Prime Minister! Either this population thought politics was too difficult and best left to the current rulers (remnants of the colonial mindset) or that every section of society has its role to play (the ingrained caste culture). And just like her father had, it was only natural that Indira Gandhi began giving a free rein to her son. A story that continues till today. At the time, Sanjay Gandhi became a de-facto member of the party and country leadership. It is well-documented that many in the cabinet began questioning his role. Slowly this trickled down to the population en masse, who began to get restless. While war jingoism kept them at check for some time, things were slowly starting to get out of control. That's when Emergency was imposed. And people began to be haunted by rulers worse than the British. That the Emergency was imposed so well for so long, shows how well by this time party and government control had been entrenched in a select few who formed a coterie of yes-men. Proof is in the pudding. Even after losing the elections, Indira continued to be the party chief, the next PM candidate, and by a tinge of clever marketing (Mother India slogans), the next PM. Alas! That's where we as a country should've realized how badly we are destined to doom. It is in this generation really that the seeds of corruption flourished. Once power realizes that it is unquestionable, there is no other easier route to take than corruption. This is the generation when corruption started seeping into the bureaucracy and the police force. The economic class-divide in population was created in this generation. I squarely blame this generation of the population as the reason why corruption is rooted as an endemic virus in our society. The coup-d'etat this generation laid on us was to make Rajiv Gandhi the PM. Let's call this period the Indira generation.

Then came our generation that has lived through the Rajiv-Sonia generation. Despite all the hard-work, we found ourselves against the grindstone, and witnessed that those who got were rising to the top on their own, were those who at some time had circumvented the laws. Bounded by license raj and socialist regulations, we found ourselves falling into the financial crisis hell-hole. It turned out to be a blessing, actually a salvation in disguise. Liberalization flourished our economy and our lives. It gave us a chance to rid ourselves of not just the pre-dated economic policies, but the political class as well. But then what do we do? We let the Congress get away with bringing back Sonia as their chief. Why but why, but because the majority of population was too poor. Mostly hungry and just finding a means to earn their day's meal, they didn't have the time to focus on politics or the need for politicians. A simple message had to be given to retain power. And what better than beat the same drum as the one that made Rajiv-a totally inexperienced person in public service- the PM of this great nation. The drum of sacrifice of course. Indira had died for the country, and so had Rajiv! This cut was made by the double-edged sword of us, the urban population starting to despise politics and focus on improving our economic situation, and the non-chalant rural population struggling to stay relevant, even alive. Even a trickle, a false or short-term promise was enough to win the rural vote. The society around them seemed to have improved, so why not their lot. And that's how corruption got to be a monster. When the politicians found that this works! There were the rich and the riches to be made in the booming economy so the bureaucrats too toed the line.

But it's heartening to see that the next generation is not willing to be fooled. The luxury they have is the foundation of a good economy this generation has laid for them. It is this generation that came out to the streets in support of Lokpal. Anna Hazare, the last surviving Gandhian icon from 2 generations before ours, could never get this kind of support from our generation, as the next-gen has provided. We were just too busy building the economy, and I guess, are still warped in that, even while we have the chance to contribute. This next-gen has the confidence that things will be well economically, and they have the hunger to make change in politics, in the ruling class. Rahul Gandhi will never get it laid on a platter as Rajiv did. Good thing is Rahul has realized that, and not yet staked claim for the PM's post. Development without Corruption has been the mantra of the current generation and the leaders emerging are starting to chant this mantra to ours and the next-gen of young voters. We are on the right track, but just not there yet.

Wiser from their past follies, the rural have started rising, but yet not a clinching majority. After all, little can take priority over one's hunger. And the urban want to play a part, not let others decide their fate. And I salute this spirit. This is the spirit that India needs to take it forward.

India is at a crucial juncture in its political history. The next elections will show how much we are at distress within ourselves. The old not wanting to let go, and we not yet fully trustful of the new. As has been its fate for the most part since independence, so could it be after these next elections..A Hung Parliament!

Different Indian cities as hubs

There is no clear communication why cities in our country India are planned or lack planning the way they are being shaped right now. Why is it that the finance and movie industry are both in Mumbai. And now IT companies are also jostling for space and importing engineers in this already crowded city. Already the infrastructure was insufficient in the city. Most people still travel in packed trains. Instead of trying to make things better, lack of planning and letting things pan out by default is only putting more strain on scarce resources. This in turn is only making life more difficult for the ordinary population.

Due to lack of government planning and enablers, businesses will continue to invest in locations where at least there is some infrastructure. Plus what is more ideal for profit making than a packed market, both in terms of per-capita and head-count. So the businesses really don't care. They too have to bear the brunt of initial high-cost of capital investment but profits are huge to the ready market in close quarters.

Those who really pay the price are their consumers, us the general population. Not just in terms of a difficult, hectic lifestyle but also in terms of health. These include pollution and the increased stresses that crowded areas beget, not only in terms of civic facilities (space, water, air quality, crime, infrastructure) but also in economic terms (cost of living) and in terms of general well being (lack of time, quality of relationships, increased  competition, loss of balance with nature).

For a well populated country like India, ad-hoc city development is neither binding nor appealing. Planned city model is the model to go for. Firstly, in order to ease the strain on the city, the capital of the state Maharashtra should be moved into an interior location. Moving government, especially politicians is economically the path of least resistance, because legislature if it wishes to, can make money readily available. Political will as usual is another story. The incentive for politicians is improvement of government and their personal security, always difficult in a hub like Mumbai. The good for people is economic development of the area chosen including more jobs with direct government investment. The good for Mumbai is reduction of the concerned population and easing up on infrastructure.

The next industry to be targeted is the film industry. With a single sop of developing a twice as grand film-city in the interior of the country, say Madhya Pradesh, we should be able to attract gradual relocation. Having enough money and known to enjoy luxurious lifestyles, film celebrities and the industry as a whole are a manageable bunch for relocation, given the right carrots.
Mumbai is currently the financial hub and I think should continue to be so. Among other reasons the financial vein of any country needs to be given the it's easy-flowing path. If we were to put it in an idealistic sense though, every coastal region should have been exclusively made industrial hubs if anything, and not the interior parts of the country. Manufacturing invariably causes pollution, which instead of kept circulating in the interiors of the country, is best driven off by the wide expanses of the oceans. Of course, this holds true as long as fossil fuels and harmful industrial wastage aren't well taken care of.

While Mumbai is closest to heart as I was born and raised there, I'm sure every city likewise has it's strengths which we must balance for a good quality of life for the rest of the country. Bangalore, for example, like Mumbai has captured the brand imagination across the world of being the Silicon Valley of India, its IT hub. So we should focus IT out here and in adjoining cities. Every metro needs to carve its unique identity in the eyes of the world, and focus its strengths in those specific directions, than arbitrary, evidently chaotic development that we see today, which is crushing infrastructure and quality of life. For example Chennai can be the country's port city, Hyderabad the Biotech city, and Chandigarh Pharma.
This level of focus will also reduce the necessity of having each location marked as a city. We will be able to maintain the rural, agro-community once it is spared by these demands of urbanisation. Any migration, if necessary to an urban location, need not be the long-dreary life writh with sacrifices as it is today.

I believe it is this focus or balanced development for all areas of the country that can make it reachable for the ordinary Indian to get out of the clutches of poverty.

A Horror Story!

I landed at this wedding or wedding-reception, I am not sure which. It was of my college batchmate Jignesh. I was happy to be invited and had taken many family member - I remember a lot of women - and at least one close friend Ram along. It's here the strange event first started. The attender at the entrance asked for the invitation card, to confirm my name was among those invited. I asked one of those in our group for the card, and it was soiled! Someone began telling some excuse, but it didn't matter...my name was not visible on it. Blotchy green where it was meant to be! The attendant, perhaps overzealous, was not willing to take from our attire that we couldn't well be free-loafers.

A minor argument ensued. I was insisting I knew Jignesh; he was my college batchmate and if the attender were to take me to him, Jignesh'll recognize me. The attender stood his ground, while the ladies in our group began to lose patience and started murmuring. Frustrated, I just pushed my way into the marriage hall, the attender trying to hold me back. The hall was not filling yet. We seemed likely to be one of the first to arrive. Many of the chairs still lay folded. I rushed towards the stage where I noticed someone seated surrounded by some people. The face was not visible but it was clear that'd be the groom. As I approached near calling out to Jignesh, lo and behold! It turns to be Suhas, not Jignesh there! How can that be? Now, Suhas too was a college class mate, but he looks at me as if unable to recognize me. I tell him my name but that doesn't seem to help. Somewhat shocked, I start to walk back, this time the attender just keeping close to me. Did I mix up whose wedding I was attending? Or have I mixed up the names in memory. I still can swear I remember the face, it was Suhas not Jignesh. But I could've sworn the invitation card had Jignesh's name on it. And I think I even saw Jignesh's name at the entrance. How could it then be Suhas at the groom's chair? And why didn't he recognize me?

Half-way on the way back towards the entrance, I hear some loud commotion coming from the entrance. I and the attender rush, only to see the bride laying in blood. The marriage had been doomed!! And that's when I saw Her-Charu- for the first time! An angelic, voluptuous beauty. Dressed in light green top and a skirt, Her beauty was a distraction to the situation at hand. She was sitting beside the bride, with an intense expression. But somehow that expression didn't look shocked or scared to me, like that of the other ladies around. Had this lady killed the bride, no one was sure. And yet, the bride seemed to have been gutted by a knife, that was nowhere to be seen.

Ram said we'd had enough, it was time to leave. And so we did. It's one thing to be confused as in a dream, but another to see death in front of your eyes. And I kept feeling sorry for Suhas/Jignesh (in that frame of mind, I didn't cross-check what name was really written at the entrance).Things hadn't gone well that day, for really anyone.

******************

I do not know when, I met Her again. But the next I remember is meeting her in green fields. She was a tanned beauty, with glowing skin like former Bollywood heroine Smita Patil. I guess I remember this meeting, for it was the turning point. These fields I was meeting her at was next to the hill where her home was located. An idyll location, I always thought, up a hill, with a beautiful view of green and sun. But I never had visited her home yet. Apparently, after this encounter, while I was walking back to the highway, a friend who was driving past, saw me walking. I'd told him this is where Charu lived so he knew why I was there, and decided to just drive by. Apparently, upon driving a little further, he glanced up the hill and noticed Charu walking into her home. But then he claims a strange thing happened. When she closed the door, all the curtains, at least all the ones visible to him, seemed to push at the glass windows. An engineer himself, he found this very strange. If the wind was really causing this, then this should've happened when the door was open, and not quite some time after the door was closed. It was as if matter had converted to a force inside...

*****************

I must have visited a hypnotist, or friends might have taken me to a psychologist to forget Charu, for I don't remember how I took it, or what sequence of events occurred before that final day...

I remember going into Charu's home without her permission. She'd never wanted me to come there. Maybe I harbored an ill-omen, for I had taken my friends along, whom I asked to wait half-way on the way up to the hill. There was lush green grass and they could rest, although they preferred to stay alert. Some friends who were girls were also with us. Maybe they thought there could be a fight, and they would be helpful consoling her thereafter.

I went inside to confront Her. While I don't remember what was the original reasons for the confrontation, I remember I had bigger reason when I opened the door. There was no furniture in the house. It was this huge, empty hall with glass panes, curtains partly covering the view outside. Charu seemed to walk in from the another room. She must have got upset. I equally must have asking her what is all this. Whose house is this, and why is it empty. I must have cast all the doubts my friends had, I don't really remember the conversation or quarrel, because of the impact of events thereafter in my mind.

She got very very mad. Surprisingly not at me, but my friends. Upon learning they were outside, she ran out, with nothing less than a huge kitchen knife in hand. And what happened thereafter I don't want to recount. I remember watching helplessly, in shock, and just plunking down to the ground in disbelief. Here was Charu, mad in expression, slashing and killing, there was blood all around. She somehow seemed to be very strong, for none of the guys were able to hold her back or control her. She was easily overpowering and throwing them around.

I got to my senses, something had to be done. Something had snapped, and first thing was she'd to be controlled. But how? She seemed just too strong. Now that engineer-friend who was well-read about the psychic forces, and who'd convinced me that the blasting curtains didn't seem right, had also told me that sometimes when psychic force takes over, humans are able to do things which are normally physically impossible. So I knew running towards her would only get myself killed. Yet, something had to be done, but what, and how...

And that's when I realized. There was something strange about this madness in Charu. She was running after, and hurting, only the women among my friends. What, really? Yes that's what I was seeing. The guys were being thrown away. For some reason, she was not hurting any of the men. I had to take my chances. At least my life is perhaps not at risk, and some lives could be saved. I ran towards Her. She heard the running footsteps, and turned around. Our eyes met. She was breathing heavily, her face sweaty. But the eyes had that same intense look. Not one of fear, but that of a hunter, a mix of alertness, calmness and intensity. Seeing it was me perhaps, she didn't attack me. And seemed to calm down. But I didn't see it then. I was running tense towards her, not knowing what to expect. So the first thing I did upon reaching close, was to snatch the knife from her hands, which she didn't seem to resist, and plunge it in her stomach!!

Her expression never changed, tired sweating face and intense, and this time reddening eyes. She fell to the ground. Actually, I don't remember anything after that.

*************

Today as I sit here writing, trying to piece together the happenings, I think I can explain what was happening. But still not the when, or the why. Charu was crazily in love with me. Way before I had even seen her. At the wedding hall, because of perhaps the huge group with me, she thought it was I who was getting married. And anyways, didn't want to take chances. She just killed the bride-to-be. That last time we argued, she thought the girls among my friends are trying to break us up, take me away from her. And so in her madness she went about attacking them. Well, at least these seem to be the reasonable explanations.

But there is one last thing that continues to confound me. My friends refuse to talk about Her. Like I said, I must've been taken through some psychotherapy or I might have agreed to hypnotism at the time, to forget this entire episode. I don't remember any of my friends missing, or maybe even that was taken care of by the mind-treatment.
But much more crucially, no one wants to confirm that she is dead. Now why is that. Wouldn't it be more relieving to me, and to them, to readily assure me of that? That they refuse to confirm makes me think, that somewhere, most probably in some mental hospital, she's alive, and waiting, to be with me...