I don't know mySelf

"I", am the one who is watching, from behind my eyes
Watching me see

"I", am not the body, my hands and feet
For consciousness, I don't feel in them

Difficult, but true, that "I" am not the mind
As I do observe, my thoughts flying

"I", then, am far superior
But someone, I don't know mySelf

"I", can Will, to stroke a flame
For this world around, is my projection
And the laws of nature, govern my body
But not even my mind, so they can't touch "I" 

"I", can Know, your very thought
For you and I, the same with cages different
Bound by one law, that of Karma

But How and Why, am "I" here
Why are we, so tied up
And what happens, to "I" on death?

Kuttapettan uncle passed away yesterday.

We all knew him by default as uncle. Kuttan uncle, Sethu uncle, etc had their prefixes to identify. But if I said uncle, it was him. My dearest cousin Prakash Ettan's father, he was a close friend and elder-brotherly to my father and all of his brothers. By relation, he was my father's elder sister's husband. He shared the same name as my father - Sankarankutty.

We all liked him a lot, as he was always moderate. I've seldom seen him angry or moody. He was pleasing and easy to talk to. He had a wonderful balance of discipline and friendliness in his personality. I've all through life known him to be the fittest and healthiest of all elder relatives I've known.

He loved watching cricket and that was the first topic one could get into conversation with him. By default being the eldest sibling's (in Mumbai) husband, he was the most regarded in our family. I never knew of his side of the family, and never even felt the need to, he was that close and dear to all of us.

A true role model in personality and nature. He would always keep busy and kept employment until the age of 75. It was just a couple of years back that he voluntarily sought retirement. His early career had been in the military, and my childhood memories are filled with memories of this eldest uncle we knew.

The last time I saw him and spoke to him, this April, he had lost weight. The independent nature that he had, during the moments alone we had, he shared his feeling that he was burdening others with his illness. My heart grieved and I put out as many consoling words I could on how things were turning for the better with his health. I realize and thank God I could see him, and I feel equally sorry I'll not be able to see him.

I've loved him and I miss him. This is perhaps the first instance where I've lost someone I've known all my life and I feel deep sadness and listlessness. I perhaps share the feeling of all the others who've known him in saying that he's truly left a vacuum in our lives that we'll have to learn to live with.

Lakshmi (Oppa) Aunty, Prakash Ettan, Prasanna Chechy and the immediate family have suffered a long time along with uncle during his prolonged fight with stomach cancer. I keep praying that the Gods give them calmness and the strength to bear this pain and get adjusted.

I

I, am a writer, and a poet
I, am a thinker, and philosopher
I, like to solve logic, and mathematics

I, am a singer, a good voice
I, a hard worker, tireless
I, a great orator, and communicator

I, with good attitude, reflective
I am even One, with no Ego

But who is this I

For are You, not I too?

Ashame, Arise

Forget the way the world is now
Forget the ways of Gods above
Forget that you were born a child
Helpless as an insect small

Attack, abuse, the nature that
Brought you up to her peril
Sit,not work; sleep, not dream
Spend the fortune left ahead

Shrivelled skin, the age of old
Will dawn on mind, with wisdom late
To think you are a human Is
to put to shame the Divine will

"Natural" Laws

As I watch and cherish the Planet Earth DVD series, a lot of thoughts come into mind. First and foremost is the realization how small we are. This Earth, our home, is vast, varied and complex. One can never fully know it or realize its laws. We can never fully know all the life forms that have taken birth and live along with us here, or even understand all the forms of land and water, formed over millions of years of natural evolutions.

The best one can do is to cherish life, enjoy this phase in our birth as humans, who can consciously observe around and appreciate all this. We are just one organism in one of the species here, but yet each of us is significant. In there is life, leave your mark in some good way. Avoid extremism of any nature, nature and its laws clearly forbade. Any extreme, both good or bad, will only do harm. Know yourselves to be humans and you best peform at the optimum.

Every human needs principles, and as social beings, society needs its laws. And every country, every religion, every community, and any such social organization, has formed its laws. And one must respect the laws of the organization if one wishes to be part of it. Else one must be free to move out expressing his dissatisfaction. Humans are thinkers. It is our capability to think that has brought us to this position to rule Earth. Hence, no organization should seek to blind or obtrude the choice of the thinking man. If individual thought, opinion and decision is appreciated, practices that are incorrect will by themselves be weeded away. If more people leave the organization owing to dissatisfaction of its practices, the organization will definitely change its practices. It is blind faith, and the end justifying the means that one should rather be wary of.

But there have to be certain "human" laws if you will, that should form as a premise for any society acting as its subset. And this premise could be as simple as: Would the receiver of the action (object) be agreeable to it by the doer (subject). Or would the doer, in the place of the receiver, have accepted it. Within rational terms.

For example, a victim does not want to be killed by the murderer. So it is wrong. Likewise, no one would want to be thieved of what he has earned. So theft is wrong.

But these "human" laws aren't to supersede the laws of nature themselves. Like every person will succeed in life to levels based on his capabilities. Society cannot progress if it decides not to move ahead until every human catches up. In effect, not all will have it equal. But each will justly have what he has put effort for, and earned.

I think many democracies understand these and frame their laws around this. Hence, for example, adultery is not punishable by law because both the people involved consented. But this is not to say all laws created by every social organization (country, religion or community) have to follow the the above premise. My point is the above premise should definitely but apply to protect other humans. For example, no religion should say kill someone or steal from someone else.

But the detailed laws to run any society or group can have its influences. Of culture and history predominantly. For example, gambling would be banned in some countries. Now you may or may not agree with it. Point is, if you disagree, don't be part of that country.

The next level of thought would be: Would these laws apply to our interactions with other life forms on Earth. Would a tree want to be cut, even a crop? Would animals want to be hunted? But then, animals hunt other animals and eat plants too. That is the food chain! Thus, the premise of natural law as suggested above only applies to our interactions with other humans, and not non-humans. But man must be think and realize that greed-in the wake of not being bound the laws-could have short term benefits with long term harm to future generations, and our own survival, and hence needs to be kept in check. This again falls under the purview of the next level of laws, thus adding "thought" to culture and historical influences to the shaping of rules.

The good effects of natural laws is very clear in the functioning of what is called the "market" economy. Thus, businesses are created based on the needs and fulfill them. If another business does it better, it thrives (equivalent to the laws of nature). Businesses are not allowed to in direct action destroy another businesses property or people working there, nor to steal their product ideas (the "human" laws proposed above). And we need to keep greed (monopolies and resource-exploitation) in check (the "detailed" laws).

A thought I got today, on what natural laws ought to be. Whatever is shaped by the free will of individuals involved, should be legalized, with rules to define perimeters. Like Gambling has been, strip clubs were. Murder cannot, for the victim does not want to lose his life. So too about theft. But what about prostitution, which when legalized by countries controls its better. Thus in the natural law, wars are illegal. But how about hunting, the animal does not want to lose its life, and although I am a vegetarian by diet, understandably this philosophy does not naturally cover non-humans. Why, even nature's laws live up to the food chain.

Maya

Oh mind, beautiful mind
You see this world, and you see its beauty
You see something of dislike, and say it is ugly
It is you who has, created this world
I am just watching, it is you who is living

This life is about, fulfilling your wishes
You suck out my force, to make me tired, distracted
You give me my dreams, to make me feel free
But yet these but are, within perimeter of your experience

Everything I see around, is only your creation
My memory, my thoughts, were planted by you
Those people I see around, are born out of you
The universe I see beyond, also the same within

I write these lines, but know that you listen
And will revolt against I, so the bondage won't be broken

Don't Stop Short

I'm a strong believer in the Law of Karma. If you observe nature and life around you, you will undeniably see the law playing out. As you sow, so you reap. You do wrong, you pay for it. But you pay sooner if you stop short. For example, I see a lot of Hindi movies where the glorified protagonist commits murder, does smuggling (and the worst of vices), but would stop short of (say) gambling, because (believe it or not) he has values! I can assure you, per the law, such people would sooner or later be wiped off in real life.

If you have taken a path, just stick to it and do all that it takes. If you are not ready to go beyond a point, then be ready to give it all up (and perhaps that is good for you).

To take the theory a step further, if you start something, dream of something, be sure to just doggedly try to reach it. Life is eventually won by those who persevere. The ones who are more capable end up working for these gutsy achievers. Be it in love or any other situation in life, if you keep trying, the universe just conspires you to succeed. That's simply the law of nature. Skills, capabilities and even talent have limited influence if not followed up by perseverance. Life does not run by Logical, rational laws, but by the law of Karma; by what has added up based on your actions.

My Two Cents: How to improve the American (or any other) economy

My two cents would be to subsidise the sectors that provide manufacturing and low skilled call-centre jobs. Because these would keep the vast majority of the masses and low-skilled people employed.

However, it is imperative to encourage immigration in high-end IT services and retain students who have completed their masters and PhD (and higher) studies.

This is the group that will innovate for greater intellectual capital and / or invest to grow companies based on their ideas and create more jobs for the masses.

Free Yourself

Desires in the heart, chirp aloud from within
But lack the courage, it takes to set flight
As younglings in a nest, with a vast world at sight

Feelings deepest, are hardest to fathom
But equally difficult, to silence and forget
As the unattainable nectar, of true first love

It is nothing but inhibition, that can set us back
Realize, have faith, leap off that cliff
You have been born before, you have nothing to fear
Except the gnawing regret, if you fail to act

The Purest Love

The love from a child is love at its purest
Unconditional, giving, and with bliss eternal
Most divine it is, just been touched by the Gods
As easy to please, as difficult to let go

A love that can melt, stone and gold alike
A love that can please, as sunflowers in the morning
A love than can meld in, as when water touches skin

Let us try to remember, such love we once had
Relive that innocence, as fragrant as the sandal
For we too were once, this child who looks up to us
Trusting and smiling, as the Gods when created us

Going Paperless, but will Feel it Soon!

Life is going paperless. You can email instead of writing a letter and mailing it. You can take a picture, download it straight on the computer and upload it to an online album for others to see. Why send a fax, when you can scan and email as attachment? Why subscribe to a newspaper, when mashups and portals are freely customizable with real-time RSS feeds?

Well, recently they also invented an e-book reader. Contact the publisher online, buy the book, and read it from the software. A book-sized slate of plastic. You turn pages as a real book, keep a marker where you last drooped-off, and now can even exchange your books with friends!

But in all this, don't you feel we are losing something? For example, with everything going online, I miss the sense of touching a newspaper. That fragrance from a book: new ones, those from the library and the ones from a second-hand seller all have their own distinct aroma, and it doesn't really take an avid reader to tell. I'm sure all those who grew up in India like me would now be thinking of how the daily newspaper felt. Crispy just like the morning, one would gleefully think! Tea or coffee next to you, and newspaper in hand, is how our day would start.  If you think of it now, you'd feel they should give that smell of paper, a distinct name; as one entitles a new perfume fragrance.

(Ahem) Coming out of my reverie, I think technology-wise, we are in the "middle of things". The next strides will be to give humans this feel of how it was before computers (and more specifically the internet) came into the picture. I'm sure very soon the they will be able to trigger aroma in the brain of the reader. I read recently about an audio set which is also connected to the chest to trigger emotional impulses (http://immerz.com/). Toshiba comes next year with a 3D TV for which you would not need glasses.

It shouldn't be a decade before you get to look at a flower on your tablet computer and smell it too! Well let's take that a step further: to touch it too! And feel the same fragrance and touch as if that flower for real. Well, it better turn true, for by then those flowers itself will be few and far-fetched, as would libraries and bookstores, and (unlike) the tablet computers today!!

Right or Wrong?

I saw beautiful clouds today, but only because the sky was blue
A bright beautiful background blue
A perfect contrast, to the dark graying clouds

And so too do we find things wrong
For we have the right, to measure against
If not for the right, what can we call wrong
But how is to judge, the right for wrong?

O Friendship, must you always sour

Through good times and bad, you always pour

But in times of extreme need, you always go low

O Friendship, Dear Friendship, must you always sour

Humans need to, find out their own

Need to step up, grow up than always moan

And friendships last, yes stronger than blood

Yet in turns crucial, it does drop the thread

For not barriers and questions, but based only on trust

A Friend can answer back, refuse, and be himself

So do not expect, and as with anything in Life

Unless you want, the Friendship, would never go sour

What Drives Us?

It is wonderful to write. It is but what gets left behind. The spoken word has greater effect, but not long-term. The written word stays on, open to interpretations, and forever available to enrich the reader.

Every human wonders what he will leave behind when he goes. We are but blessed visitors to this miracle of a Life. Most of those who reside with us on the planet, don't even have the intellect to appreciate this (humans have the intellect, but sadly not enough appreciation). Blessed on average with less than a 100 years (per the Julian calendar) to live, it’s a marvel how much we've progressed. Indeed, challenged ourselves, and built things bigger than our frail bodies. We rule this Earth, well for now at least..

Its but practical that we each think of ourselves. Its our survival instinct, that even if a hundred of us die around, we'll just keep moving on. As wondrous it is, most species somehow seem to be ingrained with this need to reproduce, bear offspring, and ensure continuity of species. So do us humans. It is the understanding of those in the spiritual path that domestic life binds us to the Karmic cycle; prevents us from breaking the chains and achieve true enlightenment. But there are among those who also say that domestic life, just as anything else, cannot bind you unless you are attached to it. The true yogi is compassionate, not attached. He sees the universal soul in each and us, and all living on Earth, as manifestations of it.

So this is the other thing that people contribute, Opinion. A product of our intellect, its important we have them. It is what separates us from a Robots / artificial intelligence. A lot has been done and undone (good and bad) owing to individual and collective opinions. And they all matter. For together they form our culture, our identity. Nothing new can come out unless we each had our opinions. As someone wise once told me, if we all thought everything was perfect just the way it is, or if at some stage of our evolution/scientific progress we all would have been completely satisfied with things, then nothing, absolutely nothing new would have been created.

And thus come the creators. The innovators who took us forward, in forms of society, forms of recording and passing on, in forms of art, in forms of science, in forms of spirituality and everything else that exists today. This order was created by us, our ancestors, humans like us. It's so huge, one feels at awe to perceive. The greatest drivers for these people included the need to make change happen (for what they believed to be for the better), to leave their footprint behind (to be remembered even after death, even if it really might not matter) and (I believe) to a certain genetic level, they were programmed by nature, for the laws of nature actually govern us all.

But what drives all of this: The survival instinct, the opinion, the innovation. What lies beneath? A Sense of Purpose. One way or the other, we are all driven by a Purpose. Including the one who says he is attached to nothing; he is pursuing moksha, a higher goal. From one viewpoint it binds us, but from another it's also what keeps us going. Day in and day out, we cannot live for living's sake. We want our children's education, and them to have better lives. And that becomes our purpose in life. Ironic it is, but even when we retire from active work-life, we pursue relaxation! 

In ways a noble purpose is important, for a lack of opportunity to pursue one, is what disillusions people into terrorism.  I'm not sure governments completely realize this, else their strategies to combat it would be different. Terrorism gives them two-fold relief: a venue to relieve the angst against unfair forces responsible for the lack of opportunity, and..you guessed it, a purpose! Religion has been a heady, potent mix for an ideal to pursue does not get bigger than that, at least for the common man. Well, government can counter it by using the religions themselves as channels and bring about social, economic welfare. Money wouldn't be spend so much on wars: a chaotic approach, an expression of our basest, animal instincts. An Eye for an Eye definitely sounds like you've chosen the wrong purpose; as Gandhiji said, it'll only turn the whole world blind!

Thus at our core is the need for a purpose. Our ultimate pleasures lie in fulfilling these; however great or small these be, is all relative. And the fact this sense of purpose extended beyond the need to reproduce, is what separates us from other species on Earth and brought us to the top. Be it the terrorist or the scientist, the yogi or the materialist, we all want to  know, and fulfill a purpose. And if we chose it too, there is no greater joy!

You Were Here

Do you feel lacking, that you were not here before
Do you feel you missed it, or that they deserved more

Then do not, for you were there
As the ant, and even the plant
As the man-eater, and even the man

You discovered fire, and landed on moon
You killed another, and even gave birth
And all this you did, with conscious thought

You were here, and will always be
For just five elements with Life are you

And yes, do remember, the childhood stories
Those who go, might watch as stars

Marital Harmony

Have we needed, to speak it all
Much untold, our minds we read

An expression here, or a touch there
Is all it took, to understand

Who are we, but feelings serene
Souls united, by Karmas supreme

Our fights make us, love each other more
Watch the demons within, keep them in control


I love thee, my devoted beloved
In sickness and health, stood by my stead

We laugh together, see the same things
We share our food, and our journey too

Of all God's graces, family and friends
You ardhangini, most exalted status

Search Nature, For Purpose

I have loved nature, as any else
Looked up with awe, admired solemn
Thought in to depths, cried often

Eaten fruit, drank from rivers,
Bathed in rain, gorge and fall
Risen with the sun, and rolled on mud

But all this craze, the mist and haze
Yet deny me the vision, of why this Life

Take the Plunge!

In life, you look back, and see what you did
And you will only feel pride, in steps of risk

In life, you think back, and cherish memories lived
And you will only remember, the moments on edge

Each life may be meant, for a purpose but
A step on sand, takes a whole-hearted effort

Feroz Khan

Feroz Khan, the epitome of style and good taste. I will always remember him as a symbol of good taste and a good life. At least his public and on-screen persona. He always seem to potray how one can start from scratch and have it all. He started as a struggling actor, but maintained his own mannerisms, style, dash and on-screen persona. Irresistably handsome and self-assured, confidence always seemed to be oozing out of him.

Apart from his acting, Feroz Khan ventured to direction showing he's not just someone to rest on his laurels. And direct he did tastefully. He also boldly got into production to make the kind of films he loved to. Some of these were inspired from other classics, but still created with flair. I admire how all the lead characters were given a lot of scope to perform, in most of his films. He also propped up actors who had the sparkle but were yet to be noticed. Every film by Feroz Khan had tasteful music or musical themes.

An example of how good a role model he was is seen when his son Fardeen was caught with drugs. In the press conference the next morning, there was not one defensive word from Feroz. He knew where the line needs to be drawn so his son doesn't end up wayward.

Feroz Khan struggled and rose like a phoenix. Made his fortunes and achieved all he wanted in style.

He may have truly looked back and said I lived life king-size!

You'll be missed.

Idol Worship and Spiritual Progress through Worship of Nature

While there may be speculation whether the Ramayana was a true story or work of fiction, there is enough historical evidences to prove that the Mahabharata era and war actually happened. I was struck then, to read in a book "Yuganta" by Iravati Karve-which happens to be one of my favorites- that the people during the time of the Mahabharata never practised Idol worship. Hinduism at the time had been more about self-inquiry towards realizing one's purpose in life and life's purpose to one and all.


Strikingly, I read elsewhere that Shri Krishna actually advocated idol worship realizing that humans are able to identify more with objects of sense-things they can perceive-than abstract concepts, although the latter is the truer means to spirituality. No wonder idol worship is heard of more after the era of the Mahabharata. And perhaps Shri Krishna, the all-round genius, for he is historically known for his might, intelligence, philosophy and especially a deep understanding of the laws of nature. Idol worship apparently got entrenched only from 3rd to 7th Century AD.

What has however been increasingly forgotten, that Idol Worship is perhaps the first stage to spirituality. Over time the means became the end, as it was easily reachable. Today, its easier to meet God at the temple rather than within Self. Most would find it incredulous that we are none other than the Gods we pray too. For, focused on Idol Worship, spiritual education has gone awry. We know we are not perfect, and "want" God to be. But even in the lives of mythological Gods, or in the lives of Shri Krishna or the greatest of Gurus, we see this lack of perfection. Perhaps our forefathers realized, that "God" is one who has his/her weaknesses, but also mastery, control or moderation over them.

Adi Sankara would likewise recommend 'Inquiry' as the path to progress. Why am I here? What is the purpose of life? Meditating on these questions is more pertinent that asking favors from paintings and sculptures.

It is the Laws of Nature are that are actually perfect. They are guided by the Law of Karma. We have built our lives, habits, civilisations and culture around these laws. At the risk of sounding paganistic, if anything, Nature and its wonders deserve veneration (and at least thus, preservation and protection). But can the laws of Nature be completely understood? You have a better chance with perception. Which is why a Leader is one whose decisions are based more upon this perception, this rhythm with Nature; not all are born with (or perhaps adapt) this quality.

The other difficulty in accepting Nature as one's master is because its incompassible as well as ruthless. How would you define the scope of Nature? Humans are left humbled when they keep searching for the end of the Universe and are unable to even fathom it. Neither the beginning or end of time. How small we are is understood by the fact that 90% of Earth's history was the Precambrian era. And we humans have lived lesser (1.8 millions years now) than even the dinosours (69 million years).

Yes, we are the most intelligent and self-aware species that Nature created. And I believe Nature created us for a purpose, which might even be the destruction of Earth. For through its history, the Earth has had 6 mass extinctions. And we humans happen to be the first species in the history of Earth causing another mass extinction.

Connecting this back to our topic, idol worship played a role in making humans further dependant upon sense pleasures. All the advances of science were focused upon making the senses more comfortable, instead of the earlier ideals of understanding nature and preserving life.

An Idol, instead of acting as a role model or reminder of our progress towards spirituality, instead became something for us to project our wants on. Apart from becoming our ideals, they became life-like. And projecting upon them thus, we gave them their powers too. Do we realize that we, born of Nature, as Buddhism or contemporarily "Star Wars" would put it, have the "force" strong within us. By considering Idols all-powerful, we made them all-powerful and began considering ourselves servile. I truly today believe the Idols listen to us, for we gave them those powers, instead of seeking to empower ourselves!

A Drive at Night

Driving against the wind, on a pretty moonlit night
Hopes of soaring, made by the mind feeling light
Is it alcohol, or has the speed-limit shot by
Or my Mustang afire, company on this bright lonely ride

Curves and bumps, cannot sag the spirits now
The blue rivers and mountains, color my life anew
The passing lights keep me, from feeling this as heaven
But does it matter where to go, when we all live and then die

Will the US Continue to Retain Numero Uno

There is a lot of debate on whether the US will retain its number one position in the world. Will it continue to remain the richest (which by current statistics of its mounting debt is also in doubt), greatest (depends on what standards are we talking of) country of the world.


True, China has become the manufacturing hub of the world. India has become the IT hub of the world. But none of those countries have the intellectual capital that the US has. The Harvard, MIT, Stanford are all here. The most innovative companies leading in the technology and business forefront are based out of here.

Cutting edge scientific research and technology happen and exist here.

And so, while these companies will continue to outsource for manufacturing (China) or IT services (India), the driver is primarily cost.

The currencies across the world are pegged at the dollar giving it a high value that would not go down in some time. Hence the the highest margins for sale of products continue to be from the US. This means the best quality of product and life would continue to be available here.

Few countries in the world have the infrastructure, or made the investments to research, as the US has. China especially has mainly lived off by pirating/replicating/copying products made out of years of innovation in the US.

Few countries provide the basic facilities for continuity of human life: One dollar can get you half a gallon milk or a meal to help you survive. No person can go hungry here. Restrooms and potable water are ubiquituous. Most importantly, racism is almost non-existent. By its very nature, the country was built by immigrants and there has been respect for hard-work.

Offshoring is good for balanced development of the world. But it must be a level-playing field. With China forcibly devaluing its currency, manufacturing, not just in the US, but across the developing world, is being dealt a body blow. The premise is my belief that economy is basically driven by solid outputs created from nothing. These primarily constitute agricultural and manufacturing output. A service product only exists to support the former.

So in an ideal world, where currency is driven by market forces, the Yen should have increased a long time back. This would have raised the living standards of people in China in the long run, and also given an edge to other developing countries as suitable sources of manufacturing. One day the economic viability would catch up and give the US its due too. But this is not to be so, and China is taking up an unfair advantage.

So the US continues to lose what any country's economy is based up on: manufacturing jobs. Obama should stopped commenting about service-oriented jobs being taken up by India, as those are white-collared jobs. The base of the economy (and employment) is the blue collared jobs going out to China, and that is what needs to be addressed. Note that white-collared citizens will be more accepting of a global world and willing to travel where the best opportunity exists; the blue collared cannot afford this.



If the US has to maintains its ranking, that is what needs to be focused upon.

Verses for the Day

Victories n Virtues, r like Weekends n Brunch; Absence of one, does not make filling, the other

Hypocrisy and Reason stay hand-in-hand; for as enemies they could, put the other to harm

There is one word to place it, I admit "chaos" it is; but what better do you have within, to replace it

Mahesh Bhatt film themes of Seach for Purpose in Jism and Rog

Mahesh Bhatt speaks his mind, is bold to take his stand and not follow blindly like sheep. And his movies show his observation of people's behavior to situations. Undercurrents of fear and nervousness they go through. And one of my favorites are the themes of loneliness he delves into in two of his films.

You will note that in both Jism and Rog, the main protagonist feels a pang within him. And he's not sure. This is a phase every youngster goes through. I'd say, someone in his early 20's before he's in love and married, and then, surprisingly, after his family's settled.

To put it simply, it is nothing but the heart's search for purpose. The human soul and spirit arise within, asking us to search for the purpose of your life. More often, people term it as a search for your love. I'm not sure if it's that's or at least just that. Because in some this phase makes them take a bold move in career, a move at an age when you have nothing to lose (which not many realize and lose their best chance in life). But in the majority, this yearn is silenced by the discovery of love. One then aims at committment, possessiveness, and then feels good when there's a sign of being settled. And then, strangely, the hollowness, the same feeling when one is lonely perhaps, arises again.

One can get very self-destructive, and behaves at least sometimes irrationally in these phases. The former is very beautifully captured when John Abraham drinks alcohol as his nectar. The song 'Aawarapan' aptly captures his mood. I'm sure if you were in this phase when this movie released, it's etched in your memory, and lo, even in your feelings. When he falls in love, he thinks it was the purpose he was looking for. And now his only aim is to possess it. As the movie painfully potrays, he regrettably knowingly makes mistakes in this drive of his.

The other movie Rog, showed a person (although not in his early 20's) in a similar search for purpose. Again, coincidentally sung again by KK, the song 'Maine Dil Se Kaha' captures the feeling of want very beautifully. The character is shown to be a mature and responsible police office, a good choice in character. Mahesh Bhatt then reflects on how such a character will come to terms with himself as the movie progresses. As one sees, he at least gets irrational by losing himself in the beauty of his (apparently) dead subject. When she's found to be alive, he goes to great lengths to keep control over self ('Khoobsurat Hai Woh Itna' captures what is going through his heart) and eventually to get to the culprit only within the parameters of law.

But I was really amazed at these choice of characters and especially, their creator's (Mahesh Bhatt) understanding of the feeling.

I don't know whether women go through this phase too, or even how many men realize themselves when they are in this phase.

But although like living on the edge, this is one stage in life when you face your own, raw, vulnerable self. I'd say the only other force that potent would be when you lose something you hold dearly. So reflect in it, savor it when it lasts, I'm not sure if you'll find your answer, but hopefully (at least for most when it comes after family life is settled) it'll set you in the right direction for your life!

Thank you, Bhatt sir.

Travesty of Life, Nature and Hope

Of what works and does not, in Nature's flight
When tornadoes uproot, followed by a rainbow's smile

Did it happen when, humans lost their instinct
In favor of greed, safety and reason

Man sees hope, but does hope leap o'er death
And does life live on, in soul's open desire

(RTOAC) Memories gone by: Discovering Self in Bangalore and Mysore

Was in a restless mood tonight also. I'd been expecting a phone call. It's been a week, and I'm wondering how Karmic forces have moved away from favoring me.

The pangs of pain, perhaps, took me back in time. I consider my time in Bangalore as favorite. Staying alone over weekends and discovering self.

Doing all there is to, by myself. Eating simple food at Aunty's Mess. Cleaning home and washing clothes. Exercising, music, composing poetry, running. Visits to the temple, after a one-time meal fast on Sundays. I miss all those. Sleeping with windows open, no matter how cold or dreary the climate and lone outside. Bathing in fresh water notwithstanding how cold.

i had once a cat come over to my bed. And once a snake in my bathroom. My roommate Sainath was one of the many I've seen in Life, who are better skilled than me. Intellectual discussions with him, I'll never get again perhaps. For when you talk on the phone, you only have time to catch up. Discussing in depth, are what only roommates can do. I look back and realize how stubborn and rigid I was at times. I'd take silent pleasure in being called a miser perhaps. I'd spend, but on books and music. I'd walk wherever I can, or only take a bus. I wanted a third roommate, to save costs (I distanced myself from my own idea later, realizing how-not just Sai- I too valued my privacy). We'd cut corners on who'd pay more for water (I was and still am a guzzler) and electricity (because he'd use a coil to heat water). Feels real immaturish today, but those were my experiments in growing independant.

I remember refusing to take any medicine when I caught fever. No matter how much phone calls from parents in Mumbai would coax. My explanation was simple, if at this prime youth my immunity is not strong enough, when would it be. I treated my fever with meditation. And its been 6 years since, but I've not had a single incident of fever.

Next to that comes the time in Mysore. When I would watch the channel showing traditional art performances. I had enjoyed the Yakshagana, Bharatnatyam, Mohiniyattam, Kathakali. I share two beautiful links, which give me a sad feeling: Why could I not dedicate my Life to my passions, Music and Maths. Why did Life just not give me the direction/excellence/opportunity in it:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CMquphTYM3w&feature=related

http://www.kalamandalam.org/daywithmasters.asp

Back in Mysore, I practised austerity. I developed the perfect flame of Vairagya. I knew of powers within us, and felt for the time, Nature looking over me. I wonder where in time has it all got lost in me. Where in time did I lose the eagerness to waking up before the Sun. Going for my early morning walks, talking to the security people. Climbing trees as if to fulfill a desire left unquenched from childhood (I'd realized long back I'm as good at rocks as a mountain goat). I experimented sleeping 6hrs a day. It was an utter failure, just as was the 7hrs sleep cycle in Bangalore. I have to admit my body needs 8hrs. Dozing when at work is definitely not worth it. Nowadays I believe the human body has a weekly cycle and sleep less on weekdays and more during weekends. I taught myself Yoga and Pranayam in Mysore. And I first started reading, appreciating and writing poetry in this culture capital. I'd never forget the visits to Goddess Chamundeswari and the view from the Chamundi Hills. I will take Jyothi back there someday.

Self-discovery is incomplete, if a man does not fall in love with women. But those lessons, and their learnings for Life (some of which I need to remind myself today) are worth a different topic itself. But the love I dedicate this article to, is my falling in love with Nature.

Growing up in the city, I'd missed out on it - falling in love with Nature. Every human needs this phase to make his life complete. Once he experiences it, he'll always keep craving for it. As Rudyard Kipling had said: A man can leave the mountains, but the mountains will always be within him. He'll want to keep coming back, and die there. It's true to do with nature. This is what I received from my stay in Bangalore and Mysore.

You are One

When the mind feels sullen, look beyond
When the soul feels a want, feel Mother Nature
In Nature lies, our deepest secrets
You cannot miss, the feel of oneness

We, and the trees, share the same soul
In their silence, the green, are only richer
As the Bodhisatva you too, came from them
You were once the tree, an ant,
And once a beautiful, bright flower

You are born of the union, of Sun and Nature
As all with Life, on this Earth
So look down at none, they are your kin
If not in words, reach them through soul

The Sun shines warm, the moon is calming
The tend butterflies, flutter our skin
Swim in blue rivers, run on grass
Breathe the fresh Air, this may be your only Life

The Moon

To a child the Moon is but, a beautiful white ball
A perfect round, in a dark starry night
He feels its watching over, singing a lullaby in rhythm

To the young lovers the Moon is, an enchanting hope
A metaphor of a girl, reflecting the light of her love
They dream of one-day, being as immortal together

To most grown-ups the Moon is, a lofty study
Its changing shapes, and the days it won't shine
They plan on reaching it, then breathing and living on it

To those old the Moon is, a great relief
Unchanging and nostalgic, midst much-changed life behind
They wish to just see it, re-live in its light

Thinking

Thoughts flow freely, the mind is awake
But to keep it from sleeping, what is the way

I must keep thinking, inquiring, debating
For that is the way, to keep cobwebs at bay

I must think deep, go within layers of the skin
Make a note for posterity, to know the way back

Must leave back my footprints, my memory and acts
It must pave the way for self, the world and for life

When the Time has Come

My soul is quiet, and the mind flies
But I know that my, direction in sight
And destiny will find me, when the time is right

If it were not meant, would Ying Zheng be king
Could the hero Jing Ke, not have got to him

Work hard I must, the path will unfold
Only memories of Now, will be left to hold

My quest, my love, for this Earth abound
Bring about unity, let the human awake

Here Comes Spring

Spring is back, the leaves are red
Soon they will be, a vibrant green
Thin small shoots, born of mother nature
The bright sunlight, will kiss as father

I have felt, this touch of love
I mind not now, to dance its tune
As a peacock would not, when rains touch skin

I Once...

I Once ran out ,thinking will reach the end of Earth
Only to realize, that I had come but full Circle

I Once flew up, aiming at the Sky
Only to see myself, rising from the Waters

I Once prayed aloud, to appease the Gods
But only could hear him, in the Silence of my Heart

Human Life: Moderation of all or Austerity for all

Ever since man evolved to be able to think, this has been the prevalent question: Why exactly this human life? A life we know, bestowed with so much power.

Consciousness to know I exist. That I am My Self, not someone else.
A mind that Thinks, and also Perceives.
A body that can be both strong and vulnerable.

With these ideals, we also have a curse bestowed upon us: Mistrust.
We just cannot get along, with each other and Nature. Through civilisations have we fought, almost knowingly seeking to destroy the rest of us.

Why were we given these particular qualities? Why was I born? What is my purpose? And then, what is the purpose of my brethren, fellow humans?

A Lifetime of a 100 years, of which in 20 we are our healthiest, most productive selves.
The first and last 20, we are dependant on others, but are also the greatest reasons, even teachers for those in the other generations.
The 40 years in between, we try to get by, be of help, in whatever roles we play!

So going back to my original question, what lies at the end of the rainbow? What will culminate civilisation? Where are we headed to? What as the human race, are our goals? Not just us, but the future generations, our own offsprings.

If you are unable to fathom anything else, one would say, at least know this as your goal. Ensure continuity of the human race. But to my mind, it bears the question: Why? An endless cycle, is it not? Subroto Roy said: No one does anything for anyone. Everything we do, is for our own satisfaction; it may be physical, mental and even emotional (when we "go out of our way to help").

If we look within, don't we bring a newborn to this world for our own selfish reasons? My child, My future!
Do we give birth to him/her that he may live a life of luxury. We know he has to go through all the pain and fury. Yes, mingled with fun and pleasure, but still the whole nine yards. So let's not deceive ourselves.

Notwithstanding why we are here, we have taken up on ourselves one purpose: progress! Except of-course, the terrorist, whose motives we don't really understand. But otherwise, through eras and civilisations, we have been bent upon progressing. In defining the roles of man and woman, refining our living habits and comforts, and producing and manufacturing more than our own needs.
We want to go faster, higher, reach out. What is the limit, we ourselves don't know.
Nature too throws a few toys at us: new diseases out of nowhere, natural calamities, and the Universe so vast. All mysteries we have given lifetimes to grasp.

One rationale I find is closest to explaining it, is that we are Atman. Through births having progressed to this highest form of life, awaiting liberation to meet the Parmatman, our original source.
If that we agree upon being true, our first reaction would be to be overwhelmed. It immediately then takes us to the path of seclusion-looking inward. Grow spiritually and suppress all "baser" needs. But if those be the lower, why are they in us.
Can anyone really stop our body from being hungry? And if so, why? The common nature of humans is to live together, in a "society". We are social beings.
So I doubt if denial really is the answer to our own growth. Would we not be wasting away the grand gifts blessed by Nature?

To summarize, if we are not to eat, why then a stomach. Even more, if we are not to think, why then the mind.


And that purpose brings me to the subject of this article, how do we live this Human Life?

I know not the whole answer, but I believe it lies in Lord Krishna's life. I'd strongly recommend the book 'Yuganta' by Iravati Karve.
He was human, but he understood Life. That was, indeed, the source of his vast understanding, and even powers.
He grew up, lived life, and died, as any normal human being. He was naughty as a child, infatuated as an adolescent, and well-married when in youth. He was as much a warrior as a philosopher who grew to realize strategy rather than personal combat gives more gains.

Krishna was as much driven by circumstance as we are. Born in the age where a great war was portent, respected for being wise by both warring sides, definitely not an enviable position. Even he could not stop his own clan from fighting amongst themselves and destroying themselves.

And I think the greatest lesson he learnt, and he kept reiterating to Arjuna before the war in Kurukshetra (now encompassed as the Bhagavad Gita) is this:

Experience It All, But Do Not Be Attached To It!

And the more I think, I live, I do things. The more I observe myself and situations around, the more I realize that to be true.

Realizing (and teaching) that is the cornerstone of what made Krishna immortal in time. (He was even elevated to the status of being an avatar of Lord Vishnu. Definitely a making from way after his time. Hinduism during that era, was based on self-enquiry, than the idol-worshipping and ritualistic religion it has now become.)

And that concludes my understanding and opinion on the topic:

Human Life itself is Not made for Austerity.
As the weekly cycle, we all have our needs- from the very life that we are born of.
The ordinary man can (and maybe should), experience all in Human Life, but in Moderation. Excess, is the mark of Attachment, the cause of all downfall.

As Gandhiji even once alluded, unless you touch the muddy water with your feet, you don't really know why to avoid it!

Childhood's Play

From the farthest seas, to the northern mountains
Carefree, blithe, a pure delight

Growing up is, to a great extent
The place where grown-ups, want to be

Spraying water, building mud-dams
And keep on running, till you never get tired

Greatest are memories, of childhood's play
With siblings and friends, on a rainy day

End of a Wait

Deep in my restless mind, a seed borne fruit
Leads me to something, I know not how

In earnest wait, an intense flame
This fiery will, hope not is a candle wick

Walked I have, on Earth and Water
Breathed I have, and consumed passion

But rise I now must, or when else would it be
That the sun rises, to show Me the way

Limits to Freedom of Expression - 1

A lot has expressed about "Freedom of Expression". As one of the pillars, holding the edifice that is democracy.By its very definition, democracy is rule of the majority. By that logic, freedom of expression in a democracy should be only to the level that it reflects the views of the majority.

But what complicates matters are the individual's right to express his opinion in a democracy.It definitely is hard to know what constitutes views of a majority, until you know the majority of that being expressed. And the majority will feel "free" to express only via "Freedom of Expression" of course.

So how does a government or society tread this fine line? When MF Hussain hurt the sentiments of the majority community of his motherland, he was forced to live in exile. He now has taken citizenship with another country There has been a lot of debate on what went wrong. A thoughtful point made by Sri Sri Ravi Sanka has silenced the din: If MF Hussain were to hurt the sentiments of the majority community in this other country, wouldn't he be subjected to the same.

But if MF Hussain had hurt the sentiments of a minority community, would that be acceptable? Of course not. But the majority could be accepting these views? Unarguably may be, yet it would be wrong. How does a government then protect the rights and sentiments of every community it governs while also protecting the individual's "Freedom of Expression"?

I read someplace that by carrying out censorship and calling something "obscene" is actually an obscenity carried out toward the freedom of expression.It is the same argument I shared above. Having said so, I also think censorship to an extent, is necessary. For example, say you do not place boundary walls to your home/country, what is to stop people from running into your area and setting a fire in the name of "expression". What is to stop a person from lying like there's no sacrilege, even loudly so its perceived by more as truth. Damage done can be both ways, tangible and intangible.

Right now, its the elected body that lays broad rules, the bureaucrats that apply them, all in the scrutiny of a vibrant media (perhaps the acid test).

It has its failings, and on a case-by-case basis, a nation's conscience is pricked. Protests are raised in a democracy when something expressed is just not acceptable (by the government/private body/individual). And the government acts to suppress/revert either the matter expressed, or the protests itself. In all of this, there is considerable waste of property, money, time, and much worse, even life.

Avoidable? If our norms were steadfast. But in a multi-cultural, secular democracy like India, a host to 28 states and an equal number of distinctly significant populations of communities, tied by a myriad range of religions and languages, how do we define such parameters?
(Thoughts welcome. To be continued...)

Planet of the Apes

The ending did not make sense. Some say it implied General Thade flew in faster than Leo. The director says it was to be explained in the sequel that never happened.

But the message was good. Today humans consider themselves the greatest and scoff on any chances of any other race taking over. Just as the humanoid apes don't even know that their species was created by humans they now rule over. They can't even imagine the technology humanity has risen to in another planet, thousands of years back in time.

Well, as did we humans, as the Matrix puts it well, spread across, conquer and now rule Earth as viruses are, albeit at a different level.

The age of disaster, will one day happen,
Not I, nor you, can imagine its source,

But destruct it will, what creates it,
and with it itself, in such endless cycle