Was in a restless mood tonight also. I'd been expecting a phone call. It's been a week, and I'm wondering how Karmic forces have moved away from favoring me.
The pangs of pain, perhaps, took me back in time. I consider my time in Bangalore as favorite. Staying alone over weekends and discovering self.
Doing all there is to, by myself. Eating simple food at Aunty's Mess. Cleaning home and washing clothes. Exercising, music, composing poetry, running. Visits to the temple, after a one-time meal fast on Sundays. I miss all those. Sleeping with windows open, no matter how cold or dreary the climate and lone outside. Bathing in fresh water notwithstanding how cold.
i had once a cat come over to my bed. And once a snake in my bathroom. My roommate Sainath was one of the many I've seen in Life, who are better skilled than me. Intellectual discussions with him, I'll never get again perhaps. For when you talk on the phone, you only have time to catch up. Discussing in depth, are what only roommates can do. I look back and realize how stubborn and rigid I was at times. I'd take silent pleasure in being called a miser perhaps. I'd spend, but on books and music. I'd walk wherever I can, or only take a bus. I wanted a third roommate, to save costs (I distanced myself from my own idea later, realizing how-not just Sai- I too valued my privacy). We'd cut corners on who'd pay more for water (I was and still am a guzzler) and electricity (because he'd use a coil to heat water). Feels real immaturish today, but those were my experiments in growing independant.
I remember refusing to take any medicine when I caught fever. No matter how much phone calls from parents in Mumbai would coax. My explanation was simple, if at this prime youth my immunity is not strong enough, when would it be. I treated my fever with meditation. And its been 6 years since, but I've not had a single incident of fever.
Next to that comes the time in Mysore. When I would watch the channel showing traditional art performances. I had enjoyed the Yakshagana, Bharatnatyam, Mohiniyattam, Kathakali. I share two beautiful links, which give me a sad feeling: Why could I not dedicate my Life to my passions, Music and Maths. Why did Life just not give me the direction/excellence/opportunity in it:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CMquphTYM3w&feature=related
http://www.kalamandalam.org/daywithmasters.asp
Back in Mysore, I practised austerity. I developed the perfect flame of Vairagya. I knew of powers within us, and felt for the time, Nature looking over me. I wonder where in time has it all got lost in me. Where in time did I lose the eagerness to waking up before the Sun. Going for my early morning walks, talking to the security people. Climbing trees as if to fulfill a desire left unquenched from childhood (I'd realized long back I'm as good at rocks as a mountain goat). I experimented sleeping 6hrs a day. It was an utter failure, just as was the 7hrs sleep cycle in Bangalore. I have to admit my body needs 8hrs. Dozing when at work is definitely not worth it. Nowadays I believe the human body has a weekly cycle and sleep less on weekdays and more during weekends. I taught myself Yoga and Pranayam in Mysore. And I first started reading, appreciating and writing poetry in this culture capital. I'd never forget the visits to Goddess Chamundeswari and the view from the Chamundi Hills. I will take Jyothi back there someday.
Self-discovery is incomplete, if a man does not fall in love with women. But those lessons, and their learnings for Life (some of which I need to remind myself today) are worth a different topic itself. But the love I dedicate this article to, is my falling in love with Nature.
Growing up in the city, I'd missed out on it - falling in love with Nature. Every human needs this phase to make his life complete. Once he experiences it, he'll always keep craving for it. As Rudyard Kipling had said: A man can leave the mountains, but the mountains will always be within him. He'll want to keep coming back, and die there. It's true to do with nature. This is what I received from my stay in Bangalore and Mysore.
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